Dark Angels
warhammer40k1.png
Codex Unforgiven  


Boardwalk :: Forum List The Dark Angels Deathwing Tactics
Astromarine
Moderator
Moderator
 
 Burden of the Elite: A Narrative Deathwing Primer - 2006/04/04 08:31 This thread discusses the Content article: Burden of the Elite: A Narrative Deathwing Primer

Here is another of our contest submissions. One suggestion I'd make to Ezzeran would be to insert some page breaks, turning it into a more structured form, with chapters etc. Also, please change "completely dead" It sounds a bit strange... With the right revolting piety of tone
The word "Freedom"
Can make you want to lock yourself
In a deep dark dungeon
  | | The administrator has disabled public write access.
Cheatah
User
Aspirant
 
 Re:Burden of the Elite: A Narrative Deathwing Prim - 2006/04/04 11:36 There is also a reference to "Deathwatch" somewhere around the part of Chaplains which doesn't fit IMO, I guess you mean Deathwing. (Near the librarian's part, there's also mention of Deathwatch, but this is intended I assume)

EDIT: oh I forgot... nice way of talking tactics

Also: I don't think entire squads get inducted into the Deathwing at once. Isn't a marine supposed to be a "normal" Deathwing trooper (terminator) upon induction into the Deathwing, then after some time, he becomes a veteran sergeant, either in a tactical squad, scout squad or terminator squad? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Post edited by: Cheatah, at: 2006/04/04 11:40 Angelis Destructorum
  | | The administrator has disabled public write access.
Ezzeran
User
Aspirant
 
 Re:Burden of the Elite: A Narrative Deathwing Prim - 2006/04/04 12:20 Thanks for the compliments and feedback.

The reference to the Deathwatch is indeed deliberate. Dark Angels marines are inducted into the Deathwatch just like any other chapter.

There is precedence for an entire squad being inducted into the Deathwing, as well. In the novel "Angels of Darkness" this does, indeed, occur. So it can at least happen in dire circumstances. It follows that it could happen in particularly heroic ones, as well. The cargo that Zaamael and his squad helped return to the chapter was indeed that important.

You'll have to forgive me. I only found out about the contest a short time before it was to end, so I didn't really have a chance to edit it as it should have been. I'll do so and repost as I get the time.

Thanks again, all.

Ezz
  | | The administrator has disabled public write access.
Astromarine
Moderator
Moderator
 
 Re:Burden of the Elite: A Narrative Deathwing Prim - 2006/04/04 13:06 Ezz, you can do it on the site itself. Just log in then click on the icon next to the article's title. Be aware that at present the online editor seems to only work in the Firefox browser (maybe opera as well). With the right revolting piety of tone
The word "Freedom"
Can make you want to lock yourself
In a deep dark dungeon
  | | The administrator has disabled public write access.
Ezzeran
User
Aspirant
 
 Re:Burden of the Elite: A Narrative Deathwing Prim - 2006/04/04 13:11 Yep, thanks. I've already edited the "completely dead" part out of there.

Ezz
  | | The administrator has disabled public write access.
blue loki
User
Aspirant
 
 Re:Burden of the Elite: A Narrative Deathwing Prim - 2006/04/04 16:47 Very nice article! Wow, you managed to get a lot of good info in there.

The Deathwatch refrence would have thrown me off as well had I not read the comments first. It does appear to be a misprint, as it is not explained or expanded at all, and because the word is so similar to "Deathwing".

Perhaps a brief conversation with the main character saying something like:

"Did you misspeak, Brother? Surely we avoid the Inquisition like the plague!"
"No, indeed. The Chaplain helps to spearhead the Emperor's war against the Xenos threat. Blah Blah Blah..."

Or add something about attempting to ease the fears of the Inquisition by complying with their requests for personel. "Keep you enemies close". That kind of thing.

Or closer to home, the Deathwing's hate of the Genestealer drives many member to join in the Xenos purge.

Not that I want to tell you how to write! Its just that the lack of expansion on the statement makes it feel more like a typo.

Good work! Keep it up. "Thou art the whisper in the gloom,
The hinting tone, the haunting laugh:
Thou art the adorner of my tomb,
The minstrel of mine epitaph."
- The Dark Angel, Lionel Johnson
  | | The administrator has disabled public write access.
Boardwalk :: Forum List The Dark Angels Deathwing Tactics

Joomlaboard Forum Component 1.1.2 Stable
Two Shoes M-Factory